You must deal with a mother who wonders why you're "throwing your life away" on porn, and who knows that when there are genitals flapping around, it is indeed porn, and not just "films," as you prefer to call them. In fact, Harder admits that he loves rimming, "but porn rim scenes are the worst." You have to cheat to the camera, he explains, and as a result, "you never get any ass." Problems!Ĩ. You must accept the fact that having sex for the cameras isn't always so delectable. You need to have an affinity for playing characters like "a senator burning for someone to violate his rights," someone highly concerned about neighborhood "cock-ases." In the process, you may also find yourself spouting dialogue like, "Why don't you sit down and take a load off - on my face?"ħ. Don't complain about it-just fucking do it.Ħ. You have to realize that there are endless ways to conjugate the word "fuck" from "Fuck me" to "Fuck, yeah," and you must learn all of them and improvise new ones. After all, coconut water is great, but pineapple juice has fat in it!ĥ. There are some serious dietary restrictions. You spend time waiting to get called for your scene, then waiting for the lights to get set up, then waiting for your scene partner to get it up, then waiting for the film to come out, and finally waiting to see how many clicks it'll get. There's endless waiting involved, as Harder describes it. In fact, one of Harder's characters deadpans, "I had to bottom my way to the top." Bravo!ģ. This can be extremely tedious and time consuming, but it's an art form, I guess. You must be able to spread your butt in just the right way (not too wide, not too tight) for the director's taste. You'll be surprised at how quickly you can go from a Jersey Boys audition to getting DP in Newark.Ģ. What I got from the show is that these are the following qualities needed to be a (gay) porn star. The zesty burlesque performer and star of 52 adult films plays a variety of characters - including himself - aiming to win the Dirty Dish Porn Star of the Year award, which is completely fictional, though a lot of the sentiments expressed in the show are as real as a Chris Harder money shot. Chris Harder has been doing a solo show called Porn to be a Star, directed by David Drake, at the Stonewall Inn.